To recognize and start confronting mid twenties issues at 24 — I'm probably one of the lucky ones.
"In a foreign land, under a foreign culture, all kinds of insecurities are laid bare in ways you never expected — raw and blunt. Whether it's the moment flashbacks triggered by everyday conversations with friends, or the career doubt that creeps in while staying up late sending out applications — they pile up, bit by bit, into a desperate want to carve out a place for yourself in some field."
Those restless, faint emotions surface when external things bring me low, like a floodlight exposing my lack of confidence. When you're falling, you realize the cracks on yourself run deeper than you thought. And as you sink, looking up toward the backlit sky, you see thin light seeping through those tiny fissures.
On the days when I lost the will to tend to life, I relied on the rawness of living and the dumb inertia of the body to keep moving. Every time it poured, snowed, or the wind howled, I put on my gear — sometimes spending days on end going only to the gym, carrying the weight forward. (I love the phrase "the rawness of living" — I found it in Ayri Chang's new book.)
To break before you rebuild — that must be what they mean by this constant cycle of fracturing and re-fusing.
I came to realize that life is mostly an endless series of trades. You exchange what your former self held for what you now possess but once lacked. You gaze at the gleaming future, hoping to trade what's currently in your hands for something new. Through this relentless exchanging, you construct a rough life full of gaps.